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rockingreenconverse
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Name: Krista
Location: Denton, Texas, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: song lyrics, reading, fortune cookies, Star Trek The Original Series, music, ruling the world, hot guys, sleeping in, boys who play guitar, Converse shoes, Stargate SG1, acoustic music
Expertise: being blunt and truthtful, cooking, rollin VIP, staying up late, procrastinating, being a Scifi geek, napping, falling in love, being a ROCKSTAR!!!
Occupation: Student and Real Estate Rockst
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ingreenconverse
MSN: rockingreenconverse@hotmail.com
Member Since:
6/11/2004
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| Everything was going well today until I got back to the office, I was driving around running all my errands and keeping my mind busy, but now I'm sitting here and my mind is starting to wander. There's this serious feeling of frustration inside me and I really don't like it. I just want to tear everything down, rip him out of my life, make everything blank. I know this is my normal response when I think things are beginning to get tough, and it's taking all of me to hold back. I don't know where this is coming from, well maybe I know. This morning at the end of our conversation I said I love you and he just mumbled goodbye and hung up. It could have been any number of things that kept him from saying it this time, a number of completely innocent things that I'm blowing way out of proportion... or it could be that something really is wrong. That something is really changed. If that's true, I just don't know what I'll do with myself. So here I sit, trying to concentrate on submitting invoices, when all I want to do is make everything allright. The worst part of all this is the lack of control and the feeling of powerlessness. At the end of the day I've done everything I can and I have to hope he knows that. | | |
| I've been keeping pretty busy because it's getting hard to deal with everything. It's not like it hasn't been hard already, but this is a different kind of hard. With this there is uncertainty about everything. It seems like my mind is always going in all directions and anything seems possible at this point.
I feel like I don't really know how you feel about me sometimes, I think that there are guys who manage to write every day and are always saying how important letters are, but you don't write anymore and you don't even tell me when you get my letters. You call, but mostly I'm worried about how things are going to be when you get home.
Some of the plans you're making, they just seem completely immature and they don't sound like the man I met a year ago. These plans belong to a kid in high school, and immature kid who is trying to avoid responsibility. I know there's a lot going through your head right now, and I know you are getting tired of the responsibility of fighting in this war. I think there is a part of you that wants to go back to the way things were before all of this, before the future became hard to bear without your best friend. I worry that you're not handling any of this the right way, and I wonder if I'll get a completely different person when you come back.
Already, the memories from March are growing dimmer. I'm looking forward to making new memories, but you have to understand that the man I spent spring break with is not completely the same man I talk to now.
But I don't blame you, I could never blame you. I lay the blame on politicians and the Army for the treatment they give you- or don't give you. There's a girl in one of my classes, and she mentioned having a fiance deployed to Afghanistan with the Air Force and I can't help but smile because they don't go through anything like what the Army goes through. I grew up in an Air Force family, and don't get me wrong... they're just as important as every other branch, but their job is different. Their deployments are shorter. They are allowed more time in between. The Army... is just harder.
I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish here, maybe it's just good to let my thoughts out.
Today was definitely not a good day.
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| here I am in front of this computer screen at two thirty in the morning... again.
I don't really know why I sit here, looking at nothing, for so long every day... and for so late into the night.
am I waiting up for you, hoping you'll get online? maybe.
we have about two months and two weeks left of this deployment, and it seems almost surreal. maybe it's right what he says about the miles seeming longer as we come closer together.
and you've changed. you've been so completely touched by the things you've seen, the fear and uncertainty, the loss of so many men, and the loss of your best friend. there have been so many times when I wished with all of my heart that I could just reach through the computer screen and hug you, or even touch your hand. let you know that it will be allright, eventually. it seems like we are both more on edge lately, the smallest things setting us off, hurting our feelings, causing us to jump to conclusions and read into words. sometimes I get to see that playful side of you again, but lately it seems to have been replaced by someone who is worn down. even to the point that you don't write anymore because you don't feel a motivation to.
I don't know what else to say or do, only tell you I love you and sit here at home, staring at this computer screen... hoping for something.
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| as it grows closer I can't help but feel a flurry of different emotions. I'm excited to see you again I'm anticipating another one of your kisses I'm frightened by how much you mean to me I'm nervous about the night time I'm terrified of what we'll talk about I'm dreading tuesday at the airport I'm happy to have you I'm scared I don't I know either way things go, that a week from now you'll be leaving me. there's a part of me that knows you'll leave with my heart, and I hope you'll leave yours with me. | | |
| Yeah we both got dreams, we could chase alone
Or we could make our own
I don't quite know how to say it better than Sugarland. There are so many things to consider, and so many ways it can go wrong... but all I know is that you make me feel different. While you're breaking my heart, there's this eerie calm in me that knows who you are. It's not your fault, I know this and I'll never blame you. If there is anyone who can make this work, I know it's me. I'm strong, and I'm stubborn, and I'm in. I didn't mean to fall, it just happened. The electricity is there, and the friendship has been growing for eight months. Maybe it's all coming quickly, but I know this thing... right now there's no one else I want to spend my time with. And that's all I need to give this a try. It's all in your hands, but if it were up to me I would have already jumped... Whole world could change in a minute
Just one kiss could stop this spinning
We could think it through
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came, with nothing to lose
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
Never waste another day
Wonderin' what you threw away
Holdin me, holdin you
I don't want to, if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came, with nothing to lose
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
But I want you 
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